I like cheap wine. There, I said it.

I never used to drink red wine. In fact, I didn’t like any kind of wine unless it was mixed with Sprite. To think the Bartles & Jaymes people and the California Cooler people picked up on such a simple mix. Ugh.

I got over my aversion to red wine in college. Specifically my sophomore year, at a party at my apartment. One of the guys brought over a gallon – or jug – of red wine. It was around 11:30 pm, we were out of the brothers, (Jim Beam and Jack Daniels I suspect) and we lived in a dry county. (Can you believe that we still have “dry counties” in the US?) BTW, I did finally move far, far away from there.

We were playing Quarters, or was it Thumper…whatever, we were having fun. I was losing. Maybe on purpose, okay - probably on purpose. My friend broke out the red wine jug and I held out my arm with my red plastic cup. “Filler up, please,” I said. One loss led to another loss and eventually, I was liking the red wine.

The next morning, I woke up with a massive headache. Being the stubborn woman (in the making) that I was – determined to go out again that night, I went through the drive-thru like any college-aged person at the time, and soaked up my hangover with grease. I totally miss Jack-in-the-Box.

From that point on, I slowly learned to like cheap wine. I’ll admit it. The night of Quarters led to Livingston and the Livingston led to anything made with grapes. I visited France when I was 18. Touring the Loire Valley, I decided that if I were going to act like a grown up, grown-ups needed to drink good wine. I tried it – and kind of liked it, okay, really liked it - but OMG, too much money to spend on a buzz. I still didn’t buy it – literally and figuratively. Looking back, I guess I couldn’t have “legally purchased it,” but I digress. After college, I moved on to the less cheap, more inexpensive wines. Frontera, Woodbridge, a slight relapse back to Carlo Rossi when I was broke. I was on a Wine Roll. An inexpensive, but -hey at least it has a cork in it- kind of roll.

In my adulthood, I have tried many wines. I have figured out that I do really like the dark reds. Especially the Merlots and Cabernet Sauvignons. I like them all very well.
I traveled back to France – which by the way – does not sell cabs. I learned that the hard way. The closest thing is Burgundy’s. I actually emailed my husband from there, asking him to find a damn wine that I could ask for that resembled a cab. Seriously, Cabernet Sauvignon, is French, non? He emailed me back “No. Can. Do.” Apparently, the cabernet grapes are indigenous to California. “Plew, plew, plew...Whatever, I emailed!” I had to take what I could get. I learned to like the Burgundy’s while I was there. Glass, by glass, carafe, by carafe...

So, here we are in 2009. What do I drink now? I love Trader Joe’s and I love their $3 Buck Chuck, which when I started drinking it, was Less Than A Buck Chuck. Also, I’ve found a certain fondness for some California boxed wines – specifically Cabernet Sauvignon. I freaking love the boxed wines and their genius little spouts. 4 bottles in a box, no wine opener required, it’s not heavy like the bottled wine – schlepping it up my 3 flights of stairs in the city. Also the boxed wines are so easy to bring to a party and, here’s the best part...the box can then be taken back if no one has finished it! I only recommend the “take back” move if your with close friends or relatives…or the party has a really, really drunk host/hostess.

Also, now that I think about it, boxed wines are more “green” than bottled wines. Since a box is the equivalent of 4 bottles, it weighs less, making the transportation costs cheaper. More liters on a truck, less gas, less emissions, the box is recyclable (I know glass is too), and once opened, the wine will last 3 weeks. Wait, sorry, that goes in the awesomeness of the boxed wine category, not the eco-friendly category. Oh, and also, I have never had the problem of having to wait 3 weeks to finish opened wine.

I’m convinced. I love cheap wine – actually, I’m trying to train myself. Inexpensive wine, not cheap. There is a difference. I would hope that in my 25 years of taste testing, I would now know the difference. The Europeans drink bottled wines that are twist off. And I see more and more nice priced wines here in the US that are twist off now. I’m not sure if they drink the boxed wine in Europe, but I’m fine drinking it. I’m not European.

There, I’ve said it. I really do enjoy expensive wines, but deep down I’m a cheap - I mean inexpensive wine kind of gal. So, if I’m at your house and you run out of the Chimney Rock, we can break into the box of wine that I probably brought – but if it isn’t finished by the end of the night, don’t count on waking up with it still there. It's somewhere in Chicago on the third floor.

Where has the art of bagging groceries gone?

I remember when I was in high school that a lot of my male classmates had jobs at local grocery stores bagging groceries. Thinking back - I don't know why girls didn't hold this position. Hmm - maybe they did, but I don't remember. Anyway, back then, the grocery bagger (aka cute boy) would bag your groceries and then helped you - OK, my mom - out to your car and even put them in your trunk. Then, after the trunk was closed shut, my mom would give them a tip. We arrived home with our brown paper grocery bags filled with groceries and everything was perfect. No crushed bread, broken eggs or smashed tomatoes.

So, fast forward 25 years. Grocery stores do not use brown paper bags anymore, they use plastic, or in my case, I bring my own reusable grocery tote bags. Also, the people who are bagging the groceries do not know how to bag groceries - and they are not cute boys.

So today I was at my Chicago grocery store of habit, lets call it the Pearl. I don't go there because of the wide aisles, or the smell of freshly baking bread in the bakery, (it's a city grocery with a parking garage) I go there because it is exactly 6 blocks from my house.

So in I go with my 4 reusable totes, with the Pearl screeed on the side of the bag indicating I am a loyal customer. As I choose my groceries, I put them in my totes accordingly. I have a special tote that is supposed to keep cold food items cold and the rest are just regular totes. By the time I get to the checkout line my arms are killing me, but hey - I know how many bags I'm going to have to carry up the escalator to the grocery store parking garage and then haul up 3 flights of stairs when I get home. I'm pretty smart that way.

I started unloading my items on the conveyor belt (I swear that thing speeds up when I go near it) and being the anal person I am, I place my groceries in the order I would like them rung up. You know, all frozen foods together, all cold foods, all meats, canned items. You get the idea. You would think that this would help out the grocery bagger. Oh - and also the fact that I told him (again, not cute) that I would like all of my cold items in the blue tote and the rest in the green totes.

Once again, me being anal and all, I watch as the checker scans each item - to make sure I get my buy one, get one free items, well...free. Also I've had items scanned twice before making the whole buy one get one free just a slap in the face - because not only did I not get one free, I paid for one that I didn't even get. Grr.

The checker finally totals up my purchases and then realizes that I have wine. "21 on aisle 7," she yells on the loud speaker. Fine. Now I have to wait for someone who is 23 years old to come over, check my ID, look at me, make me take it out of my wallet, turn it over (because it says it's expired on the front and there is a sticker on the back) look at me again, look at my license, look at me yet again and say "wow, you've changed." "Yes, yes I have, I say. It's been a few years since I got my original license and thank you very much for pointing out that I have gained weight...Or, were you referring that I look much older?" You're on thin ice here checker-girl I think to myself - and... I so do not dye my hair - it's natural. Really - it is. I'll be 40 and I've yet to see a grey hair. The Gods are with me on this one.
$68.92 - that's your total - cash, debit or credit?

Finally, done with the interrogation. We've now figured out 3 things. I am in fact over 21, I have gained weight and I will pay with my debit card. That only took 10 minutes. So I mosey on down expecting to find my neatly packed groceries in their respective totes. But, did I honestly think my grouped efforts of food items and clearly marked totes were enough. Nope. Apparently I need to invest in a P-Touch to help the bagger bring it home.

He says to me "you didn't have enough bags so I put the remainder in plastic, is this OK?" At this point I am irritated, Ellen is going to start soon and I have to pee. I thought to myself. I can take two roads here. The high one or the learning one. I chose the learning one and promptly informed him that all of the groceries in the 5 bags were once in 4 bags at the beginning of the line. Then, I unpacked my groceries (finding the bread under a few canned goods) and repacked them so he could "learn"' how to properly pack grocery totes.

Being the National Day of Service, I do feel I did my part.